99 Ways to Survive the Holidays

This list is on the front of the Christmas card I'm sending this year. Right now I am considering going down the list; I almost had a nervous breakdown yesterday. The wood floor is installed in the kitchen and there is dust on every surface from sanding it and the kitchen table is in the playroom and we eat our meals around the coffee table in the living room, but at least the living room walls are painted and the furniture is back in place instead of crowded in the middle of the room like it was yesterday. Also positive: we are putting the tree up tonight. And everything I need to buy is bought except for some gift bags.

I'm sure in a few years I'll have some fond memories of the year the house was being remodeled at Christmastime.

In the meantime, here are some suggestions for survival if anyone else is as stressed as I am.

1. Avoid the mall
2. Wear elastic waistbands
3. Meditate
4. Charge it
5. Hire help
6. Light a candle
7. Get a new family
8. Guzzle eggnog
9. Turn off the radio
10. Order in
11. Practice aromatherapy
12. Use paper plates
13. Break a resolution
14. Sleep in
15. Pray
16. Kiss under mistletoe
17. Swallow aspirin
18. Hide out
19. Eat chocolate
20. Take a deep breath
21. Bathe
22. Believe in Santa
23. Call in sick
24. Make snow angels
25. Pass the green beans
26. Stand your ground
27. Change lanes
28. Primp and preen
29. Bake cookies
30. Rent a movie
31. Clear the table
32. Glow
33. Feed the poor
34. Self-gift
35. Fake good cheer
36. Untangle lights
37. Stretch
38. Turn off the phone
39. Consider the alternative
40. Spray pine scent
41. Under-schedule
42. Shop online
43. Chow down
44. Whistle while you work
45. Take pictures
46. Start a diary
47. Wear reindeer sweaters [Ed. note: NO! DON'T!]
48. Take a walk
49. Take a hike
50. Take a chill pill
51. Drink good champagne
52. Ponder the needy
53. Go tropical
54. Hibernate
55. Eat more chocolate
56. Get a massage
57. Buy batteries
58. RSVP
59. Enter therapy
60. Dress in layers
61. Agree
62. Watch TV
63. Carry an umbrella
64. Learn the words
65. Do yoga
66. Disinfect
67. Have some coffee
68. Bite your tongue
69. Hoard cash
70. Up the dosage
71. Eschew poinsettias
72. Dance the night away
73. Find God
74. Giggle
75. Gossip
76. Re-gift
77. Apply pressure
78. Wash your hands
79. Stuff stockings
80. Use a tissue
81. Follow instructions
82. Kindle the fire
83. Join a choir
84. Moisturize
85. Flee
86. Flout etiquette
87. Get a babysitter
88. Apologize
89. Commiserate
90. Crank the heat
91. Soak overnight
92. Say no
93. Turn the other cheek
94. Drink water
95. Rinse and repeat
96. Redecorate
97. Read the manuals
98. Change the channel
99. Save the receipt