Monday, August 25, 2008

Non-pregnancy update

Since some of you expressed concern at the effectiveness of the dollar store test, I bought another test at W*lmart today, because I'm paranoid like that. And guess what, I still am not pregnant. *heaving a sigh of relief* Because we weren't trying to get pregnant. Quite the opposite, in fact. My husband had a vasectomy a year ago (FYI, it's important to get tested afterward because you want to be sure the procedure worked; most failures after a vasectomy are due to the guy not returning for the follow-up visit.) ALSO I am still on birth control to control my hormones since my anxiety and PMS are worse without them. So if I had gotten pregnant, it would have been a miracle. I told myself that if a sperm had managed to sneak through those obstacles, it would be an exceptionally strong and determined swimmer--we'd probably have the next Michael Phelps!

Sorry if all that was TMI, but several of you asked, and I think the people have a right to know. That way, you'd know whether to congratulate or reassure me if I had been pregnant. Thanks for being sensitive to my feelings either way :-)

Even though I know I'd adore any child we'd create together, I also know that I'd prefer to stop with the two we have. Here's the honest and raw truth that I wrote in my journal the other night before I took any tests.

"I adore my children. I just want to enjoy them where they’re at, and not return to the infant stage. I can do the infant stage—or at least I did—and I enjoyed the baby smell and the way they look when they nurse, and there’s something deeply fulfilling about nurturing this completely helpless little person: you are the only thing keeping them alive. (Yes, I AM overdramatic. Wanna make something of it?) But. I think I am a much better parent of preschoolers (and with any luck, of grade-schoolers) than infants. At least conversations with the kids now engage my brain cells. Me being a SAHM is the right choice for our family, at least right now. It’s much better than the alternatives. But I’m not going to lie—it’s been hard on me intellectually and emotionally. I need time to think and write, and I don’t get as much of it as I want—and when I do take some, I feel guilty."

And here I am about to have some free time for the first time in two and a half years, and I was worried I was not going to get it after all. I don't want my kids to grow up any faster than they have to, but I'm not wishing I could return to the baby days, either.

Week in review coming later, I hope.



  1. Oh I so know that feeling. Mr. B is fixed, so it was a bit of a moot point, but we did discuss it and while I DO love babies and would SO love to have someone running the earth that Mr. B and I created together... I don't want to go back to those stages... I like where we're at.. I like the "freedom" of kids getting older. :)

  2. And just when you have all that spare time on your hands (don't worry, that spare time won't happen for about another 20 years) along will come a grandbaby to help you spend spoil and spoil the wee young tyrant then hand it back over to its parents...ah, the joys of grannyhood!

  3. I'm glad things worked out how you wanted. I love my kids but wouldn't want to go back to those baby days either.

  4. Whew! Glad you have that to strike off the worry list! But it begs the question: why aren't you sure yet via the traditional way women know they aren't pregnant, if you get my drift?

  5. Congratulations! That's so great! Good for you! And all that stuff. I don't blame you, I don't want tp be PG either.

  6. I hear you! That time that you finally get away from your beautiful children is like breaking water after a very long swim beneath. Beautful, all consuming children...

  7. Hey not pregnant girl - check out my blog - there's something there for you. Don't feel you need to do anything with it, I just wanted you to know I like your blog!

  8. I think the part of family planning that so many overlook is just that, the planning. Having children is a huge important step that impacts so much about life and calls for sacrifices. Balancing the needs/wants with the necessary sacrifices is where things look like they could get tricky. You want the time for you and that's great, everyone needs (guilt-free) time for themselves. Its how we stay fresh and connected and have something to give to our loved ones. Thanks for putting it out there so honestly.