Dear people who shopped at the Wal-Mart near my house on Saturday, March 28, between the hours of 2:30 and 4:oo,
Thanks for making me lose the last drop of the milk of human kindness in my black, withered little heart. I'm sure my husband and kids appreciated it!
Dear guy who I saw getting out of a car with a "Baby on Board" sign in the window (in the Wal-Mart parking lot!), with a cigarette dangling from your mouth,
Aren't those "Baby on Board" signs supposed to make other drivers remember to drive safely around your bundle of precious cargo? If you're concerned about your child's safety, might I suggest refraining from exposing him or her to secondhand smoke?
I'm just sayin'.
Dear people who park in the pick-up line in front of my child's school,
First of all, if this is your first time coming to pick up a child, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt. You might think that you can park at the end of a line of cars, get out of your car, and walk up to the school to retrieve said child from the walk-up entrance, come back and drive away. But on the way back, you might want to notice how other cars have come up behind yours and are having to go around , all the while peering around your side mirrors to see if it's safe for them to get around your abandoned car. You might want to take note that in the line that goes past the school, all the other cars' drivers stay IN the car until they get to the place where they pick up their kids. The people who walk up park on side streets, not in the pick-up line. Got it? If not, you might try asking the person who enlisted you to pick this kid up about the RULES. Because if you don't get it on subsequent pickups, I might just have to go off on you. And hell hath no fury like a suburban mom without enough caffeine in her system. And possibly PMS.
Thank you for your attention to this matter.
Dear school that educates my daughter,
First of all, let me say that I love you. I really do. I love your creative teachers, supportive administrators, and excellent educational techniques that go far beyond worksheets and preparing for standardized tests. But dude. You are nickel and diming me to death. No, make that five- and ten-dollaring me to death.
Just in the past two weeks, I have received the paperwork about: two fundraisers for my kid to sell, practically guaranteeing that I have to buy the products; a trip to the zoo; money so that the room mom can buy materials for the teacher's end-of-the-year present; money for the kindergarten cap and gown; two charity events that require us to seek out donations including a day I must pay $2 for my kid to get to wear jeans and boots instead of the uniform.
I don't know how to end this letter except that man...I was SO wrong when I thought public school wasn't going to cost me anything.
A disillusioned mom,