Here's a question for you.
If you could, in retrospect, change one thing about your childhood, what would it be?
Having spent several years in therapy, it's pretty easy for me to answer. I would change the fact that somehow I got the idea that I had to live up to high expectations in order to be loved and accepted. In the back of my mind I always lived with the fear, "What will happen if I screw up?"
This happened for several reasons: because my parents are high achievers, because I was the firstborn they believed could do anything, because I was precocious, and because my father is a pastor and preacher's kids get a lot of scrutiny. But part of it was just my personality. I can see it in Miss Pink--all of her teachers comment that she's "a little bit of a perfectionist." She wants her work to be "just so" and she wants to be the best at everything. The difference between her and me? I'm aware of this tendency and how it would affect her if I didn't help her counterbalance it. So I do things like flaunt my mistakes, say things like "Oh well, it's not the end of the world" when I mess up, and teach her that we can fix a mistake. Oh, and that it's okay not to be the BEST at everything as long as you are trying.
Sometimes I wish I could go back and work a little harder. I was lucky in the way that school, athletics and such came pretty easily, and I wasn't pushed. I learned I get get by with very little effort and that's just what I did. I wasn't a total slacker mind you, but I could've really excelled. I guess mine is opposite of yours...
ReplyDeleteHard to say, me and all of my flaws, even the ones that annoy me...it's all one long trail you know. To change anything...
ReplyDeleteI would change something very similar to your answer. I would change the belief that I was never good enough just how I was, that I always had to do something better, wear something prettier, weigh less, build up my Mother more just to be loved by my family. All of these ideas are still firmly in place in the family, but I am not. And I finally really love who I am today.
ReplyDeleteIt's a little weird to me when I see my daughter picking up some of my quirks but it sounds like you've got a good plan for helping her with things you had problems with. Of course then she'll have a problem with the fact that her mother never pushed her to do her best or something. *sigh*
ReplyDeleteI wish I could change the harsh words I've exchanged with loved ones over the years, for sure. Most of the time, I wish I could take back what I've said almost immediately after I've said it. BTW, got a Great New Giveaway going on over at my place, to commemorate my 100th post--please stop by!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant post Allison...childhood is so brief, I don't know that I would change anything about it, I learned what I could get away with, I guess...
ReplyDeletehugs
Sandi
I would change that my family was not very social, or at least that I would have a sibling close to my age. I spent copious amounts of time alone and it has taken a lot of work to be as social as I am, which deep down isn't very. -- Leann
ReplyDeleteWow, I've been looking around here, and you've got a lot of wisdom! Glad you are finding you've got a little more time on your hands--lots of thinking that needs an outlet now. The best part is that you're taking time to enjoy the kids when they are there.
ReplyDeleteYou stopped by for my SITS day at The Journey a while back, and I'm still wandering about visiting everyone back. All of the amazing blogs have been too interesting to hurry through, but I did want to say thanks!
I had an amazing childhood. I always felt totally loved and knew I was special.
ReplyDeleteThe one thing I would change is the eating habbits our family had.
Not enough fruits and veggies. Too much fast food.
I have broken the cycle for my son, but wish it had been different for me.
Though most of my childhood days were a ride to hell, I'm glad I was 'allocated' to that family...if not I wouldn't be who I am today....so if you ask me if I would change anything? the answer is 'nah'!
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