Tuesday, April 15, 2008

The Twin Curses of Taxes and Cellulite

And a happy tax day to you! Doesn’t it make you feel all warm inside to think of all that money being drained out of your bank account (or being withheld from your paycheck) into the vast coffers of the U.S. Treasury? Yeah, I thought so. It’s enough to make me want to go back to the pioneer days, when there was no income tax. Sure, nobody built roads for you or—what else does our government do that actually benefits us? I forget.

But since this is not a political blog, I’ll just stop right there and go on, in my erratic way, to Something Completely Different*. I got the swimsuit I’ve been dreading shopping for, and it’s not that bad. You can see it here, but if you think that when you click on that link, you’re going to see a picture of me modeling it for you, you’re sadly mistaken, my friend.

It looks okay on me, which is the best a 30-something mom like me can hope for. It holds everything in and isn’t too revealing, which is saying something since I bought it from Victoria’s Secret. Plus, I got it on sale. I paid $41 shipped, which sounds like a lot, but as you may already know, is in the middle of the price range, and I plan to use it until it is in rags so the next time I have to buy a swimsuit, I will be 80 years old and I can just wear a muu-muu at the pool and be done with it. Speaking of going back to pioneer days, then we could wear those full-length bathing costumes with stockings and no one could see our cellulite! Wouldn’t that be great? I don’t know who invented modern swimsuits, but I can tell you it wasn’t a woman over 30.

Anyway, I'm a little discouraged that with all the exercise I get (1 hour a day, 3-5 times a week), my body has changed very little. I don't have a problem with my size, but when I started, I expected that if I worked out that often, I'd look like the cover of Shape magazine. Apparently I love food too much to lose weight unless I starve myself, and that's not gonna happen. At least I don't actually need to lose weight (please don't throw things) and my body is healthy and reasonably strong. Plus I'm addicted to the exercise now--or is it just that I'm addicted to spending an hour kid-free, listening to my iPod and reading celebrity gossip? Take a guess!

*If you got the Monty Python reference, I love you.


  1. What an awesome suit! $41??? Total score for you!

  2. unfortunately we can't all have round the clock personal trainers/chefs etc to help us out like the people those swimsuits were designed for... ah well pass me the ice cream please!

    and yes, i got it... have you seen the philosopher's football match? if not check it out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yiZt79UKUFQ

    also the philosopher's drinking song is quite good...

  3. Congrats on the suit. I haven't even started looking yet.

    Just for the record, the majority of roads are built by cities and counties who do it out of your property taxes. So all the income taxes that go to the federal government to finance things like space missions, studies on cow flatulance, and $1,000 toilets (which is probably a way to hide the money going to illegal covert missions). Oh, and the war, of course.

    Got the reference.

  4. I will one up you with a paraphrase from Life of Brian:

    What have the Romans ever done for us? Well, beside the roads, the educations, the food supply...anyway, Go Home!