Tuesday, May 27, 2008

A Whiter Shade of Pale

It’s raining right now, which makes me sleepy, but so far I have successfully resisted going to sleep (I really don’t NEED a nap, but to me naps are like chocolate—I hate to turn down the opportunity.) Instead, I wanted to talk about what I should do with my skin.

First, I plan on keeping my skin. It’s all I’ve got to hold myself together (thank you! I’ll be here all week!) I have come to accept that I have white skin and that’s all there is to it. When I choose foundation, I’m either the palest or the next-palest shade. Most of the time it doesn’t bother me and I wear shorts or skirts with my white legs showing unashamedly (although sometimes when I’m dressing up I use Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs, which gives me just a hint of color without making my legs noticeably darker than the rest of my skin.)

I won’t get a real tan, because I don’t tan unless I burn first, and that’s a recipe for skin cancer. I’m SO glad I didn’t bake in the sun or tanning beds as a teenager, and really I don’t know why I accidentally did the sensible thing and stayed pale. I did try the sunless tanners, though, and whooo—I was a pretty tangerine color after the first few tries.

I hear sunless tanners have gotten better, and I’m wondering if I need to go get one. Like, tonight, because a friend invited us to her pool tomorrow and people, my thighs could probably blind somebody. And that would not be good guest behavior, I think.

Still, I hesitate because I am lazy. I hate exfoliating and rubbing all the lotion in evenly and wondering where to stop on my neckline and most of all I hate the smell. Don’t tell me to try Jergens Natural Glow, either. I am happy it works for other people, but it didn’t work for me—at least not the Light color. I couldn’t tell any difference, after I rubbed it in every stinking night. I put in the effort and it failed me. (Did I mention I am lazy? Yes, I consider rubbing lotion into my legs making an effort.) I would try it again with the Medium shade but the smell was pretty self-tanner-y. At some point I was planning to try another brand but this swimming day is too soon to see any results from that.

You know what, we are only going to be in the water for an hour or so. I think they will just have to see me in all my pearly glory.

Or I could hope it just keeps raining.


  1. Isn't it weird that certain people end up being teased: the short ones, the fat ones, the freckled ones, the pasty ones. I happen to be a pasty one, too. Always been made light of. I find this curious now that I'm older and a little more immune to the taunts...Have fun tomorrow. Cannonball 'em if you here a snicker! Send 'em a good splash for me!

  2. I'm interested to see what suggestions people have. I wasn't impressed with Jergen's either. I've resorted to buying some really sparkly lotion. If I'm not ever going to be tan, I can at least be ethereal. People always tell me how pretty and sparkly my skin is. Hey, I take it wherever I can get it.

    I've never tried the Sally Hanson stuff. Is it good? I have to go to a wedding next weekend and my dress is knee-length and sleeveless. I'd rather not frighten any small children.

  3. I won't do the sunless tanner because the Go Fug Yourself Girls are always mocking celebrities who apply it inexpertly and I fear having anything -- no matter how small -- in common with Lindsay Lohan. What? ME? SHALLOW? Surely you jest.